...May be a good thing right now.
Can't seem to see a light at the end of the tunnel. There seems no point in getting out of bed. I'm trying to stay afloat, really I am... but fuck it's not easy.
This month is "Bill Month"... and there's no fucking way we are going to be able to pay them all. I feel a total loss, a total piece of shit, a total fucking loser.
I feel alot of unworthy things right now. Not the least totally trapped in some kind of waking nightmare-ish hell.
And then, as if my tears aren't already flowing enuf, I see Baxter, and it starts up again. I still miss him dreadfully... tho it's not that awful vision I saw of him everytime I lay my head on the pillow at night. That's gone, which I'm so thankful for. I just want to see the good memories of my little man... not the last horrible days.
It appears this surveying job that both Magnaboy & I were hoping he'd get has gone the way of all the rest. No word now for weeks. They promised to contact him this week....like most employers do.
There's this segment on A Current Affair tonight that Magnaboy said he want's to watch... about how supposedly, there are all these "fantastic" paying jobs in Australia going begging, and that "Nobody" wants. Yeah right..... that's complete utter bullshit. I bet they're all the fucking same as all the jobs( "THOUSANDS OF JOBS ONLINE- ) advertised each and every day on CareerOne or Seek.... you email, & you NEVER hear from them.....EVER.
It's a fucking con mate....a complete and utter fucking con job.
Magnaboys gone out. He's looking at going back into Security work.....neither of us want that.....but wtf do you do when there's nothing else.
I can feel this heavy fuckin depression hitting me.... and I just want out.
.....Ute......
